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|Friday, January 14th, 2011|
|Together In Electric (Re)Dreams
2011 was going to be a brand new year for me, a year of fresh beginnings. It really was. I was going to get my life together and get out more and actually start participating in society. And part of that was, instead of downloading movies and watching them with friends at someone's house eating tacos - I would be going out and watching BIG SCREEN 3D MOVIES WITH FRIENDS IN CINEMAS.
You know, down here in Australia, most movie ads/trailers end with the catchphrase "Only At The Movies!" which seems to be some guerilla "Internet Torrents Don't Exist" promotion. Well, whatever. My friends wanted to watch a movie with me at the cinemas in 3D and given only a few weeks ago we watched (original) Tron that means.. yes..
I paid $22 to watch a Tron reboot.
How was it? Well, uh. It was PRETTY. I'm sure Kanye West loved it. And it inexplicably had references to the Matrix, David Bowie, Lady Gaga, Bladerunner and Terminator 2 [Eddie Furlong's first on-screen appearance: motorbike savvy, home-engineered hacker who's got 1 dead parent and another who knows the secrets of the future but needs to fight against the same technology to save it, whatever] but you know what? If I wanted any of those things, I'd... go and do those things. Did TRON really need any of those things? Did Indiana Jones 4 need aliens? Did a Gulliver's Travels adaptation need a wrestling scene with a gigantic robot? Did any segment of society need a CGI Yogi Bear movie with *voice-changed* Dan Akroyd and Justin Timberlake sounding nothing like themselves, hence removing the needs to cast themselves in the first place? Did we need another M. Night Chama... whoever concept film, even if it gratuitously steals a Agatha Christie plot-device that was over forty years old? (No, I'm not going to attempt to spell his name, either).
And before anyone says I picked the wrong 3D movie reboot movie to start anew on, the previous film I saw in 3D was Alice in Wonderland. All they need to do is make 3D re-imagined version of Top Cat and my childhood's destruction will be complete.
I honestly can't understand it. There must be focus groups out there that clamoured for additional Meet the Fockers and Narnia movies, but unless they were all millionaires with Alzheimers [guaranteeing they'd pay to see the movie several thousand times each], Hollywood is inexplicably busy making remakes of remakes.
I honestly don't want anything to do with this now. I liked 1974's The Taking of Pelham 123. It wasn't an exceptional film, but it was unique. Until people decided to remake it set in modern day with John Travolta. For no discernible reason, apart from preventing 2000ites from having to view 70's fashion and actors who haven't been on Oprah. Apparently now they're remaking Akira as a live-action film with Leonardo DiCaprio in it. I hope it goes as well as the new Speed Racer did. But, honestly, I don't care. I'm really giving up.
And I know I'm sounding not just overly cynical but also totally batshit insane saying all this, but I've reached a point where I can't understand a lot of what's happening in the world and I think that's a normal response. The must be how the Joker started. Someone told me Josh Rogen was appearing in the Green Hornet and all I could say was "I saw 24 minutes of Pineapple Express on cable one night, that fucker owes me a favour". And then they told me it was "Seth Rogen" and I didn't bother remembering the correct name. But Josh (or Seth) Rogen, if you're Googling your name, pay attention: you owe me. And I want my money, deadbeat. I. WANT. MY. MONEY.
Anyway, I've (illegally) downloaded a bunch of original Mission Impossibles and MacGyvers and I'm locking myself in a bunker with canned food and some old Mad Magazines. By the time you read this my time capsule will be hermetically sealed until a time that the phrase 'hermetically sealed' no longer exists.
Enjoy Kung Fu Panda 2, fuckers. And 3. Scott Rogen, you can slide the money under the door.
|Thursday, December 2nd, 2010|
|How Australia Won the Right to stage the World Cup in 2022
Years from now, as Australia is (once again) the focus of the rest of the world while we host an international sporting event, we will remember the great origins of the noble dream; the official bid video we submitted to win the hearts and minds of the world over with a refreshing, original presentation of the advantages to staging the World Cup in Australia in 2022.
And while the announcement of the winning venue hasn't been officially made (yet), I can confidently predict our inevitable success because I've just viewed the aforementioned bid video. Its quiet dignity and well-reasoned arguments for Australia as a venue speak louder than any praise I or future generations of film makers could offer. Further comment is redundant.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the 7 minute video that changed the world's perception of Australia forever...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDf18N8jJGs Current Mood: triumphant
|Sunday, November 28th, 2010|
Even great players occasionally will die, but then they respawn and begin all over again. Most of the time they'll continue to play the same way (after all, why change a winning strategy?), but there's always the option to change their class and try something different..
I've shaved my beard off & I'm taking a break from my Call of Duty games. I'm tidying my rathole of a house up, I'm exercising regularly & getting back into drawing and my other outlets. I'm detoxing, decluttering and describing myself in the third person.
I'm going to finish the short story, lose the beer belly and get eight hours of sleep a night.
None of the above is me, but it will be.
Because I've just respawned. See you in Hell, Modern Warfare kill/death-ratio obsessed freaks. I tolerated your intellectually-questionable actions (such as demeaningly referring to using the scope on the sniper rifle as 'hard scoping'; but not 'ironsighting' or 'crosshairsing' for any of the other weapons in the game) and your obnoxious comments. I was prepared to 'live and let live', (as far as one can in a first-person shooter style game, anyway), but that just wasn't enough for you. I was alone in a squad, the 'i' in "team", the live round in amongst a bunch of blanks.
And old part of me wanted to be like you, once, maybe. But the cost is too great. I can't commit to the extent that you need, so I'm leaving.
I'll miss you a lot at first. But over time I'll get over you and one day I'll wake up and I'll realise I've forgotten to miss you, and that will be that. I'll have moved on. Hopefully, you will have too. It's doubtful though.
So there we go. It's over. I never really loved you, and I'm glad you're not a part of my life anymore. In reality it was my obsession with you that hurt me more than anything you could ever do, but now I have the strength to leave you & I'm going. Sayonara.
... but I guess it couldn't hurt to have just one last game to remember you by.
|Friday, March 5th, 2010|
|DUMB DINOSAUR FOR THE WIN!
Hey folks, almost a year ago I posted about entering a Cracked photoshop competition and sort-of getting some kudos, but not really winning. A lot has changed in my life since then. I'm now older, and I own more videogames. That's about it. Oh, and the last 3 weeks I've come in the top 3 of the Cracked competition rankings [2nd, 1st and 3rd, in order]. This clearly calls for some celebrations, and by celebrations I mean reposting my email text about the competition and then disappearing off LJ again. See you next year!
-----IMPERSONAL NOTIFICATION TEXT FOLLOWS-----( Read more...Collapse )
|Thursday, April 23rd, 2009|
|DUMB DINOSAUR FOR THE WIN*!
Is what I'd be screaming if I had actually won something. Of course, I haven't, but that doesn't prevent me from having a moral victory (n. "the victory you have when you can't have an actual victory", see Clayton's victory
Some back-story is probably appropriate.
There was an Internet Flash video [requires sound] about a Dumb Dinosaur that I loved to pieces [link: Duh
.] I chose its name [and image for an avatar] and started posting entries to the Cracked weekly photoshop comp.
There's hundreds of entries, of which they feature 10-15 on the main page in their own 'article' [think cream of the crop], of which the #1
voted winner gets $50.
Last comp I managed to score ranking #11
and this recent comp was still better for me [I ranked #9
, which I believe entitles me to say "w00t"]. Spoiler space: I didn't win [wait, I said that in the first sentence, this isn't a spoiler at all], but my image is so awesome it's the picture link from the main page. That's right, folks, today Dumb Dinosaur is FRONT PAGE NEWS!
Here's a link
to the front page. (My 'shop' was of Buttercup, obviously). For the slowpokes, my awesomeness is preserved for posterity here
Yay for me, and my internet victories, which I need so desperately.
* - 'for the win' isn't a common phrase at all down here [we don't have your biliously awful Hollywood Squares, America. Your 'Jeopardy' is relatively new to us, as a guide], and I think I saw a video on the shelf at the local videostore once called ftw* which I always took to be 'f**k the world', which lead to an aversion for 'ftw' for fear of being misunderstood.
Next week: other three-letter acronyms** Nick is frightened of.
** TLA.... aaaah, oh God no!!!
|Wednesday, April 15th, 2009|
|Like Adobe Photoshop I Don't F***ing Stop
Thanks to mc chris for the lyric that makes up this subject line.
I've been doing stuff, but not really recording it for posterity. Some of it's been unimportant (I was sick yesterday, last week I bought a harmonica) and some of it has been important (my annual review at work's gone well and my career progess is healthy, last week I bought a booklet teaching me how to play the harmonica), but either way, this blog hasn't been updated.
Right after I qualified for my CA I threw myself headfirst into my gaming again to remind myself of everything I had missed so dearly and while it's been great to catch-up [as well as someone in my position CAN catch-up...] I've also been conscious of other parts of my life I've been neglecting. Some of it I don't mind missing out on so much [exercise, tidying up the house], but other stuff I really should be devoting more time to [my writing, reading good books..].
One thing I've been getting back into of an evening which has helped me unwind and keep the creative juices flowing is the ol' Photoshop. Originally it was making fake videogame covers to amuse my friends, then it was working out new avatars for my updated-once-a-month Facebook page [and you're probably not using Facebook properly if you're uploading new profile pics more often than updating your status on there] and I've started entering the Cracked.com photoshop competitions as well [though it's annoying to have my nuggets of P'shopped gold lose out to MS Paint efforts that incorporate Star Wars characters and gay references].
I won't have 'new' content up here for quite a while [we're just heading into the really busy time of work. I seriously expect the soonest I'll start enjoying life again will be mid to late July], but as a substitute for that, here's clickable links to my two most recent Facebook profile pics. I'm sure years later as an adult [wait, I'm an adult now
..] these will come back to embarrass me, but hey, this is what I do with my (limited) free time, folks. Now ya know..
Peace out, folks.
n/k Current Mood: busy-ish
|Friday, November 7th, 2008|
|Friday, October 10th, 2008|
|Wednesday, October 1st, 2008|
|Saturday, March 22nd, 2008|
|Final Stage Complete, Bonus Unlocked
Last Monday at midnight, I submitted a 7,000 word document containing financial reporting, management accounting, tax and audit/assurance guidance for a fictional business entity. And then, ladies and gentlemen, with that assignment, my CA
studies were OVER.
The last 2+ years have involved a lot of sacrifices for me (major ones being sleep and socialising given the CA death march) and now it's great to be able to take my life back and actually PLAY/READ the videogames and books I've been steadily buying over the whole period. I can finally watch the third Pirates of the Caribbean and Spiderman movies (yes, I know they're not as good, everyone tells me that, but if you watch the first two, you have to watch the third). I will even be able to dust off the exercise bike and remind myself of what it was to exercise and finally get my healthy lifestyle back.
Okay, that last one was a joke. Of course I'm not going to exercise.
Anyway, there's not much point in making accomplishments if you don't get rewarded, and Fate's hot sister Kismet has arranged cosmic matters such that I've won for myself an XBOX 360, games, 12 hour 'lock in' at a games parlour with 20 friends and free movie passes. And this came from bringing a friend to an event that had free beer, hats, shirts and other 'swag' I thoroughly enjoyed myself trying to get as much of as possible.
It appears I'm Awesome, and this has been a most welcome development. I'm my own hero. To quote Master Splinter, Life is good, and life goes on. Current Mood: awesome
|Sunday, February 24th, 2008|
|Reservoir Dogs, Schroedinger Cats
I jokingly once said we now have the technology to make 2 different versions of Quentin Tarantino films, the original and the one where Quentin Tarantino (the actor) has been mercifully edited out through the magic of CGI. The latter being preferable of course (and humourously named Director’s Cut (Out Of the Film)
A book I’ve gotten into lately is called something like '101 Mystery Films' which is basically is the best 101 Mystery films of all time reviewed. The author rightly-or-wrongly decides the criteria for a mystery film is it’s neither subtitled nor made for TV and centers around a crime, which is why Reservoir Dogs makes the list.
Anyway, despite buying the 2-disc edition before Xmas, I haven’t watched the movie in a long time, and while reading the plot rundown as summarized in the book, I came across this startling chain of events:[paraphrasing]
“Mr Blonde tortures and mutilates the hostage cop while Mr Pink and Mr White are disposing of the car. Mr Orange intervenes and kills Mr Blonde. When the others return, Mr Orange says Mr Blonde confessed to being the undercover cop, which was why he killed him. A Mexican standoff ensues, all are killed [including Mr Pink while attempting to escape with the loot], Mr Orange being killed by Mr White, who is then killed by the cops himself. The sole survivor is the hostage cop who wonders whether it’s worth surviving given he is now mutilated”.
… didn’t Mr Orange say he shot Mr Blonde “because he was about to kill this cop”, and then Nice Guy Eddie says “Oh, who, this cop here?” and puts 4 rounds in the cop hostage’s chest, killing him on the spot?
So, without looking [at the DVD], is the hostage cop alive or dead?
|Sunday, January 20th, 2008|
|Monday, August 13th, 2007|
|Fur Fox Sake: Skiing On Thin Ice
I just had a week's vacation down at the snow! I totally needed it because work (and study) has been totally nuts lately, and what made *this* the vacation all the more enjoyable for me was I finally got a chance to try out the 5'10" fox outfit I purchase online (don't ask how much it costed, but if you guessed $7,500, you'd be halfway to a correct answer. Don't worry, my bank balance says 'Ouch' as well.)
I have to say, skiing (and snowboard and skating) in a fursuit is TOTALLY the way nature intended it. And I mean that literally - because the fur in my outfit was made from actual animal furs (which is why it costs so dang much), I got a true feeling of how it must feel to be a snowfox. Obviously I attracted a lot of attention, and just about every Dad on the mountain wanted me to pose for photos with bratty kids, but break half a dozen digital cameras 'accidentally' and people learn to leave you alone, I've found.
I also found out that since most people assumed that I was hired/paid to wear my outfit, I could basically get away with anything I wanted to - cutting into lines, pushing people over, stealing food from people in the ski lodge restaurants.. all you have to do is use those excessive pantomime movements people associate with mascots and suddenly everything's a free performance of hilarity. Some official who tried to keep me from cutting to the front of the Yeti Climb chairlift found this out the hard way when I took the snowshovel he was using to block my path and hit him in the face with it. Down he went like a DC-10, and I pointed theatrically and held my stomach in the international symbol of silent laughter and everyone in line started laughing as well, even though the guy was obviously concussed
. Maybe they thought he was playing along, because kids started yelling to hit him again. I didn't, of course. But I had made my point.
Obviously you can't keep this sort of thing up forever though so I had to wear an ordinary outfit for the last few days of the skiing trip (hint: when officials start pointing to you and speaking into walkie-talkies, it means the party's over), but all in all, it was a totally relaxing time and sigh, now it's back to the grindstone again. Now it's just a matter of figuring out what else I can use my fox outfit for, I guess.
|Wednesday, July 4th, 2007|
|But Will They Play It At His Funeral?
The guy who wrote and performed Yakety Sax (otherwise known as the Benny Hill Theme) died today. The fact that I don't know his name shows how famous he really was, but he will be remembered through his legacy; the one piece of music that makes any piece of footage entertaining, especially if played in fast motion and using cheap camera effects.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you.. Yakety Sax
. (4m31s YouTube link)
|Wednesday, June 27th, 2007|
|Fist Things First
One of my favourite Aussie shows, Double The Fist, needed extras for a huge battle scene that's going to be the finale to series 2, and because being awesome is my new calling in life, I showed up ready to kick ass and forget names.( Read more...Collapse )
|Wednesday, June 20th, 2007|
|Tix, Tux and Tax
WARNING: The following blog post is rated SI (Self Indulgent). Readers with little to no desire to learn what Nick's been doing or his opinion on cyberpunk fiction are advised to go look at the video of Soundwave breakdancing on YouTube.( Read more...Collapse )
|Saturday, May 12th, 2007|
|Who's the member of the radical Islamic extremist gang that's fun for you and me?
Walt Disney was an anti-semite, reported those of his workers who he believed to be un-American
and apparently attended a fair few meetings of the American Nazi Party. Mickey (and Donald and Goofy) each did their part for pro-Allies anti-Axis wartime propaganda, however (type any of their names into a search engine together with "banned cartoon" for a sampling).
This was all many, many years ago and quite rightly forgotten (we can only bring these up in conversation again when Walt gets thawed out from his cryo-bed and he becomes fresh news again).
However, Mickey isn't prepared to leave his violent past behind and has appeared on children's TV urging children to support civilian armed resistance and help Islam to "lead the world"
. Some of the eagle-eyed among you may say this is one of Mickey Mouse's body doubles and not The Mouse himself, but if there's absolutely no bona-fide Disney connection, why did Donald Duck wire his body with C-4 and detonate it in a crowded market place in the Gaza Strip last Thursday?
It wasn't the first time that Donald Duck had attempted to destroy his enemy
, but it certainly was the last. All that remained was his beak, his sailor's hat and shirt. His pants were never found.
Donald Duck, we salute you.
|Monday, April 30th, 2007|
|Golden Compass: Threat or Menace?
So! New Line Cinema is bringing out a movie at the end of this year called The Golden Compass and they're running promotional material already. This 7 month lead has to be some sort of record for promotional-events-before-the-movie (apart from Hollywood planning September 11 to ensure box office success for World Trade Centre, of course), but like all internet memes that appeal to a clique, the furries have gotten all hot under the collar about it. Why? Because this film (which is based on The Da Vinci Code, except it uses Scientology instead of Christianity, according to the promotional blurb that I just made up) introduces the concept of people having souls (which CAP Alert will love) but these souls are physically represented as animals (which causes CAP Alert to say things like "may contain trace amounts of paganism, wiccan concepts"). Oh, and if you don't know what CAP Alert is, www.capalert.com is a place where you can go and type in you favourite movies and obtain *real* *actual* warnings about objectionable content. The most awesome thing I can think about CAP Alert right now is it almost makes my review of Happy Feet sort-of like the real movie. That's right, the crazy things I make up are actually read into the movie by the CAP Alert reviewers, who then go on to tell millions that the movie contains these things too. I have an idea they should be writing me cheques based off this alone, but let's put that aside for now.. ( Read more...Collapse )
|Sunday, April 22nd, 2007|
|White Rappers: This Time It's Personal
I promise this will be the last one, but Vanilla Ice looks approximately like a Wimbledon winner, the Prime Minister of Australia and the lead singer of the Police. Something's rotten in Denmark.
|Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
So, I got to thinking "Couldn't this software just spit out 9 celebrity pics with plausible looking but still random percentage numbers next to them and the user would be like 'Ohhhhhh man, I look 58% like R. Lee Ermey, that's awesome'?".
I'd like to think this is a scientific experiment to see if the software can match a celebrity to a childhood picture of theirs, but the reality is, I just wanted to snicker at Eminem wearing an ALF T-shirt. Enjoy.